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Murdersaurus: Me, HD, And The 360
Peter Tatara - October 25, 2008

I'm going to join Xbox Live, and my screen name will be Murdersaurus. Only a few things stand in my way, things like not actually owning an Xbox 360. I got a Wii a year ago with the pretense that it was for exercise, and it worked pretty well. I did a bunch of Wii Sports and then a whole bunch of Wii Fit. And then I kinda stopped. I took a business trip, and when I got back, I couldn't get back into my routine. I didn't have the time to devote an hour to running in place and flailing my arms. I want to get off my ass, but I've got more important things to do, things like writing this.

So, I've got a Wii that's been gathering dust, and a lonely copy of No More Heroes that wants to know why everything else in the Wii library sucks. And I've got nothing that I can say to No More Heroes to make it feel any better. It's true. The Wii's really got nothing, and whenever I wander into a Game Stop, I shake my head at the turds stinking up the tiny Wii wall and walls and walls of diamonds sparkling for the Xbox 360. As for the PS3? No comment.

Gears of War, Devil May Cry, Dead Rising, Eternal Sonata, Dead Space, Grand Theft Auto, BioShock, Halo, Call of Duty, Castle Crashers, The Force Unleashed. The list goes on and on. And none of them are on the Wii. No, wait, a craptastic version of Dead Rising is coming, and The Force Unleashed is already out. In fact, a lot of my current dilemma is because of Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. See, when The Force Unleashed came out for the 360, PS3, and Wii, it gave everybody a chance to be a Jedi, but only the Wii version let you actually swing your arms like a Master of the Force. Yay? Not really. Pretending you're wielding a lightsaber ain't that awesome if it's done with some random waggling, and more than that, to be honest, the Wii ain't HD.

I told myself I didn't I care that the Wii wasn't HD when I bought it, but I can't pretend to be happy anymore. If I buy The Force Unleashed, I want the smartest, slickest, sexiest looking version out there, and that means buttons instead of waggles and a widescreen, high-def image. That means not the Wii.

So, I want to buy The Force Unleashed, and I ain't buying it for the Wii. But before I buy The Force Unleashed for the 360, I need to buy a 360, and -- oh -- before I buy a 360, I need to get an HD TV. Thing is, I can do all these things. Last time I was in Best Buy, they had some 40 inch HD Sony screens for $600. For $1,000, I could get the whole HD TV-Xbox 360-The Force Unleashed package. And, I'd get some nice Best Buy Reward Points, too. Oh, I've got to totally figure out what's up with my Reward Zone account. I signed up after being pushed into the damn thing, but the cashier never gave me a card. Whenever I'm in Best Buy, they tell me it ain't a problem and they can make sure points are added to my account by simply giving them my cell phone number. Okay. Sure. But I've really yet to see anything come from this, and I've spent a few grand on expensive presents for the girlfriend. And when I ask Best Buy about getting a new card or account number, I get no clear answer. Whatever. I don't care.

I just want to play Star Wars: The Force Unleashed on the Xbox 360. And Gears of War, Devil May Cry, and Dead Rising. And, as I said up top, when I join Xbox Live, my screen name will be Murdersaurus. It'll be Murdersaurus you smack talk, Murdersaurus you teabag, and Murdersaurus you pop in the head as he ambles straight into you crosshairs. That is unless the name Murdersaurus inspires raw, complete, pants-soiling terror in my opponents. Which is what I'm kinda banking on.

Oh, and since I'm probably not going to get off my ass and actually get a 360 until six months from now -- if even that -- don't you dare register Murdersaurus as your gamertag. I'll cry.

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