I Am Drunk
Peter Tatara - January 7, 2008
I am drunk. I am so drunk. I just got out of a meeting with some super important, super big business guys at the Hop Devil Grill in Saint Mark's, and I'm plastered. I started the evening with an Ithaca Cascazilla -- to honor my alma mater -- and rounded out the night with an undetermined volume of Smuttynose Wheat Wine -- a thick, sweet pudding of a beer that is apparently 20% pure alcohol.
It was a good meeting that ended in all parties involved declaring our heterosexual love for each other and that my shoes make a most awesome and commanding noise when striking pavement -- a welcomed change to all the shoes of my youth which made a very undistinguished squeak.
Now, I'm heading home. I was supposed to venture to Corinne Orr's apartment to fix her computer, but it's too late, and I'm too drunk to be of use. Instead, I've got to get out of bed before noon tomorrow to cure whatever beastie is infecting her PC. After that, I may go to the Bronx Zoo. Or maybe the skating rink in Bryant Park. Or maybe check out the holiday windows at Saks. I'm not gay. I have a girlfriend.
I'm supposed to do laundry tonight, but I don't know if that'll still happen because I can barely stand. Holy shut, someone on this subway has the Indiana Jones theme on their cell phone! I want that to be my ringtone! Back to business. I'm drunk. As much as I'd like to say I had ten or twenty glasses of Smuttynose, I didn't. To be completely honest, I had one. One Ithaca Cascazilla and one Smuttynose Wheat Wine.
I hold liquor rather less well than a preteen dandy.
Now, I don't know if I'll make it home. I hope I don't miss my stop, although if you're reading this, I made it home and recovered enough to type up this probably poorly-written account of a typical business meeting. I kid, I kid. Most business meetings leave me with a belly full of bile and face full of tears rather than tonight's belly full of booze and face pressed up again the 7 Train's window. There's Silvercup Studios.
I had a point, though, in writing this, a point I didn't know about until Paragraph Four. What's this point? Indiana Jones. I, like any American boy, love Indiana Jones, and I'm eagerly anticipating the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but at the same time, this new film fills me with dread. Oh? See, I hate Shia LaBeouf, and I hate every movie I've ever seen him in, and I don't want to see Shia as some cocky little bastard tagging along behind Indy, and I really don't want to see Shia as some cocky little bastard who ends up saving Indy. Of course, that's exactly what's going to happen. And it's going to suck. And then I'm going to go back to the Hop Devil Grill and order another Smuttynose Wheat Wine.